The Estonians have a phrase to describe Boris's affliction

June 24, 2019

Boris Johnson has a condition that the Estonians call 'long wires'

In Estonia they have a phrase to describe someone like Boris Johnson who has difficulty in coming up with a fluent and rational answer when suddenly put on the spot – long wires.

My girlfriend Maret, who is from Tallinn, regularly uses it to describe me when I am floundering around for an answer to a complicated question such as 'why haven't you proposed to me yet?' or 'why didn't you put out the recycling?'

'With Boris it was abundantly apparent that he had "long wires" during his appearances on Have I Got News For You? when the much quicker-witted Paul Merton and Ian Hislop ran circles around him, gleefully asking him rapid-fire questions about his tangled love life and many political scrapes.'

According to a couple of Estonian websites I visited, 'wires' are what the brain uses to feed messages to all the parts of the body, such as the rest of the brain, as well as your eyes and ears, all of your limbs, including your hands and feet, and most crucially of all your lips.

If you have long wires, it means it takes longer for these messages to reach all parts of your body than it does for most people. It means glib, ad lib responses are not really your forte. Certainly I've found that's true of me, which is why I would rather hide behind a keyboard, where I am given the luxury of thinking time, than expose myself to the lottery/ordeal of everyday conversation.

With Boris it was abundantly apparent that he had 'long wires' during his appearances on Have I Got News For You? when the much quicker-witted Paul Merton and Ian Hislop ran circles around him, gleefully asking him difficult quick fire questions about his tangled love life and many political scrapes.

It's also why Boris's minders have battled valiantly not to put him in the cauldron of public scrutiny, such as the TV debates and press conferences. They know their man can be confounded by the simplest of questions when confronted by a TV camera or microphone. It's why Jeremy Hunt, right now, is constantly on television challenging Boris to a head-to-head debate and to show more 'accountability to the public'.

Of course, after his Have I Got News For You appearances Boris became a national celebrity. Lots of people recognised that they too would suffer in comparison to the lightning brains of Hislop and Merson, but they loved the fact that he manfully struggled to cope with the teasing and occasionally, through his greater intelligence and erudition, scored a direct hit.

No one thinks that Boris Johnson is thick or stupid – he is a former editor of The Spectator and has a highly lucrative column in the Daily Telegraph for Chrissakes – but put under pressure he struggles to come up with a coherent answer to even the simplest of questions. Even more fatally he is likely to utter the first thought that comes into his head – which as we have seen can result in a faux pas that can be quickly magnified into a political scandal.

I have struggled with this condition all my life. At school my nickname was 'Reddy Eddie' because of my habit of blushing in social situations or when I was asked a question in front of the class. However it has not stopped me getting a degree in History from the London School of Economics or having a 30-year career in journalism.

At one point I was so convinced that there was something wrong with me mentally, I asked my GP if I was autistic. My GP initially dismissed the idea but then sent me to an expert to see if, maybe, I did have something like high-functioning Aspergers. According to the expert, I did not present as a typical Aspergers sufferer, so I guess I've just got to put up with being slow-witted.

My girlfriend, who moved to the UK from Estonia in 2009, noticed it immediately when we began our relationship. She laughs when she says I'm suffering from 'long wires' because she knows I'm not stupid and she simply waits now while I allow the messages from my brain to take their long journey around my body before I come up with a coherent answer.

Patrick Edwards is the former editor of The Brecon & Radnor Express